Oh, I Would Never Do That

 Growing Old is a Bitch! Funny, I never thought much about it in my youth. Perhaps I was in denial, more likely I was trying to cope with my daily life. Well, "Surprise!" It's here. I am on the tail end of Middle Age and onto whatever the next phase of life is called. Actually in my mind, every few years the age "Middle Age" moves back 4 or 5 years. We all cannot age like Jane Fonda. Honestly she is like Benjamin Button, aging younger each year at the age of 83. But, I digress.

As I passed through my youth and the birthdays came quicker, I had mental notes of what  was "Old Age". These were things I swore I would never do. There were these things women did, bought, and wore that showed their age. I could not imagine finding myself at the point where I would do, buy, and wear such things.

Why would anyone need reading glasses? Who wants to look like a librarian with glasses hanging from a chain around your neck. These days I have to make sure I have a spare pair at any given time should the ones I am currently using get misplaced or broken.

Wrinkle cream, seriously, why would anyone use such? Now I find myself lingering in aisle at the drugstore perusing the shelves of "Anti-Aging" cream, trying to identify the one that will be more effective, Of course I have to use my reading glasses to see the fine print on the back of the box. By the way, when did they start making all the print on the boxes so"Fine"?

High heels make ones legs look better. Lower heels are for old ladies. I haven't worn high heels in years. In fact I'm not sure where all the boxes with my "heels" are these days. Flat shoes are comfortable. Besides I am past the age of making my legs look better. They are what they are. I have other concerns.

Swim wear, they all fit, just find the color and style you like best. Not! These days I find myself wondering if there is such a thing as an age appropriate bathing suit that does bring to mind the woolen swimming suits woman wore in the early 1900's that covered most of one's body. Obviously the designers today are all in their late 20's.

Vitamins, yes. But those designated for "Seniors" in the silver bottle - never. Now I ask myself why would anyone think that a silver labelled bottle would have anything to do with old age.

Plastic surgery, what an insane idea. Who would be so vain that they would pay money for surgery to make one look younger. Women age gracefully. But these days, I ask myself how much "work" could I have done that would make me look a bit younger, but not be so much that everyone would know I did it.

All those obnoxious traits my mother had, the way she would do things, her attitude. I would never.   Now I find myself waking up at night in a cold sweat fearing that I have become my mother.  Any of you who have followed this blog in the past or read my book, know that becoming my mother would either be something I could never achieve or a disaster.